I used to have severe anxiety when it came to dating. Meeting new people, waiting for text messages, confirming plans, not knowing where the relationship is going could hurt me physically.

Dating wasn’t fun. Dating was a constant battle of fighting all my ugly thoughts about myself, all my doubts about whether I was worthy of love, all my childhood memories of feeling left out and unloved, imprinted on every molecule of my body.

When the person I was dating showed signs of pulling away, I tensed up, I freaked out, I held on tighter, which only pushed them away further and, damn, did that hurt. Sometimes it hurt like my life depended on it. …

For the first few years of my life, I was my father’s favourite child.

I remember running to the door to greet him every time he got home and following him everywhere he went. Whenever I felt sad, I would soothe myself by thinking about how much he loved me.

However, as I grew older, our relationship shifted.

He sort of disappeared. He was always busy and in a bad mood while failing to follow through on his promises. I soon learned that I wasn’t a priority to him. …

It’s currently the second lockdown in the UK, and there’s no end date announced yet.

Personally, I’ve been working from home for almost a year now — how strange. I couldn’t attend therapy in person, do my Improv course, take up skill-based classes, or go to the gym.

In return, I’ve had a lot more free time — no more getting ready in the morning and commuting inside central London. Last summer, I used most of that free time on writing and growing on Medium, which worked out well.

When I realised that being at home would be the new normal and I hadn’t exactly planned for this, I was worried about my self-development. I didn’t just want to be writing one blog post after another — first, it wouldn’t be effective and, secondly, I’d get so bored. …

The book “Invisible Women” opened my eyes to a world designed for men and biased against women. It was shocking, not because I haven’t experienced first-hand some of these biases, but because they’re so much more ingrained and systematic than I had thought.

Well, awareness is the first step towards real changes.

Here are 6 outdated and sexist ideas or standards about the roles and values of women in modern society:

1. Women can’t be happy without men.

It’s a common cultural message that women need a man and a marriage more than men, and so they often have to try to manipulate or pressure their male partner to marry them. …

Growing up, I received many mixed messages about what it meant to be a woman.

My goal, as a young girl, was simple: I wanted to be loved.

But I didn’t really understand what I had to do to be loved, especially when my own father practically abandoned me a long time ago.

He instilled in me the insecurity that, no matter what I did to be loved, it probably wouldn’t work. When I was a bit older, as a result, I struggled to relate to men romantically. I didn’t know how to be good enough for a man’s love.

That helpless feeling followed me throughout my young years and became a driving force behind my (misguided) decisions in my early twenties. I was fixated on power, thinking that if I couldn’t be loved by a man, then I wanted to be powerful — more powerful than a man. …

Before meeting my future husband, I was never sure If I wanted a serious relationship or marriage.

In hindsight, it was because the people I dated were never good enough for me, meaning we were fundamentally incompatible. I was also not good enough for myself — my life wasn’t where I wanted it to be yet.

Later when my future husband asked me to marry him, I was in a very different place — saying yes felt natural and fulfilling.

In fact, everything we did together felt natural and fulfilling; any future talks were pleasantly expected. There was no question about our love for each other and where we were heading together. …

You’re probably familiar with the advice, “Don’t go grocery shopping when you’re hungry.”

Several studies have found that going to the supermarket on an empty stomach leads to not only buying high-calorie groceries that are bad for you but also overspending on the items you don’t need.

One of the reasons is self-control— hungry people are more likely to grab instant food that satisfies their cravings than to buy healthy ingredients and spend time cooking a proper meal.

In a nutshell, they make bad decisions that they often regret later.

The same logic could be applied to dating.

If you use dating apps when you’re lonely, you’re likely to pick unsuitable people to date. …

Tingly Mind is an online publication that offers empowering life and relationship advice. Our content is geared towards women in general and heterosexual women in particular.

After all, regardless of gender, we serve the people who value security and stability in life. If you want to become a solid individual with healthy, meaningful relationships, you’re at the right place.

What we can do for you as a writer

I’m looking for writers with insight and passion.

In return, I can help you improve your writing and increase your chance of curation, which translates into views and earnings.

You’ll receive direct support from me, Ellen Nguyen — I have 5+ years of writing experience and have produced many popular pieces on Medium that bring me 4-figure paychecks every month. …