I wouldn’t be getting married now!
One of my most popular articles is about the dating approach that will get you a quality, long-lasting relationship.
It definitely worked for me. At the time of publishing that article, I was in a healthy, happy relationship, reflecting on the steps I took to get there. A few months later, I was proposed to. And now I’m enjoying the blissful months leading to our wedding day. I’m very much in love and happy.
I remember why that article or that dating approach felt so transformative to me.
It’s because it centers the woman — me.
In the past, I was one of those women who followed the…
My journey and mission
If you’re new here, hi, my name is Ellen Nguyen.
I write about relationships, personal growth, anxious attachment dating, and feminism.
Here are a few things readers have said about my writing:
“Insightful wisdom and practical advice”
“Say it like it is” / “clear and concise”
“Your book helped me to get through a complicated breakup.”
“You have an interesting and different way of looking at things — refreshing”
“direct and unpretentious style”
“insightful and uplifting”
I’ve been active on Medium for almost a year now and have proudly built my following to over 6.5K readers from all over the world. …
A good outcome needs a good approach.
Download my FREE 5-step intentional dating approach that will get you a quality, long-lasting relationship
I’ve read countless stories of people who say they want a relationship yet have no idea what they’re actually looking for in a partner, or people who say they need one thing yet stick around with partners who straight out refuse to give them that very thing, or people who don’t even know what is normal or not normal in their own relationships.
You see the problem, right? I bet everyone does. But if it’s so obvious, why is it so common?
Well, it’s because…
Your anxiety is the cost you have to bear every time you get out there and take a chance on someone. Not everyone is worth this cost.
I used to have severe anxiety when it came to dating. Meeting new people, waiting for text messages, confirming plans, not knowing where the relationship is going could hurt me physically.
Dating wasn’t fun. Dating was a constant battle of fighting all my ugly thoughts about myself, all my doubts about whether I was worthy of love, all my childhood memories of feeling left out and unloved, imprinted on every molecule of my body.
When the person I was dating showed signs of pulling away, I tensed up, I freaked out, I held on tighter, which only pushed them away…
It’s okay to make mistakes.
“Rejection is a redirection.”
I don’t know who said it first, but I love that quote.
When a breakup happened to me, there was always a sense of relief that came with the pain.
I figure it was because, deep down, I already knew that the person wasn’t right for me. I always knew it, but the emotional, immature part of me couldn’t control herself. She was like an addict, and love was her favourite drug. So she held on. …
His intention is clear, and his effort is consistent.
As someone who took the vetting process seriously and is now getting married to a man who treats me like his queen, I know a thing or two about green flags.
I see them in action every day and in other healthy, committed relationships around me too.
Here are 15 green flags to look for in a man if you’re looking to get married.
1. He respects you, your choices, and your boundaries.
He treats you like he would treat his mother or sister: with the utmost respect.
If you express your feeling or preference about anything at all, he listens to you, makes notes, and takes action on…
It’s not a who-cares-less contest.
One common piece of dating advice for women is to mirror your date’s effort.
It makes sense at first glance.
First, a woman can avoid getting taken advantage of or chasing a man who is not that interested in her. Second, it helps a woman remain in her feminine energy if she prefers so. Third, it makes it easy to see how much effort the man actually makes.
The problem is the amount of effort involved is not always positively correlated with the progression of interest and attachment. …
You’re likely under the influence of many cognitive biases.
You know your ex is toxic. But you can’t stop thinking about the good times with them. You’re teary when you hear a breakup song on Spotify, thinking about all the ways your ex gave you butterflies.
Before you know it, you feel tempted to contact your ex again, knowing full well it’d only end in heartbreak.
Don’t worry. Thinking about your ex, especially one that you had strong feelings for, is absolutely normal and common.
It doesn’t help that the pop culture you’re consuming isn’t created by the most emotionally healthy and intelligent people — they romanticise toxic relationships…
It isn’t a feeling anymore.
People often talk about the honeymoon phase as the most magical time of a relationship.
It’s when everything about your partner seems perfect and you want to spend all your free time together. After this phase, you’ll see their faults and face relationship conflicts — it’s when “real life” begins.
It sounds like common knowledge, but I find it problematic.
Believing in this concept led the younger me to think it was normal to work hard for a relationship when love cooled down instead of acknowledging that the relationship was mediocre, wrong, or even toxic for me.
Ellen Nguyen
Content creator. Psychology BSc. Editor of Tingly Mind, empowering women. FREE: https://tinyurl.com/3t46z2df
