How Choosing Myself Led Me to My Husband

But it’s not just about love; it’s the life I want.

Ellen Nguyen

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Photo by brooklyn on Unsplash

Throughout my younger years, I always felt misunderstood and unseen.

I was introverted, emotional, and sensitive. I felt and thought a lot — and for the most part, still do. I yearned for deep connections but found it very hard to find someone I click with. Sometimes I even believed I was an unloveable lone wolf.

My sister thought I wouldn’t get married till I was in my 30s. I thought so too. I didn’t have any evidence to believe otherwise. Throughout my early twenties, I had zero serious relationships. I didn’t even have a dating situation that lasted more than a few months. As I was quick to notice something was amiss, I either broke it off immediately or became too unbearable for them to stick around.

Dating was very painful for me. I was full of traumas and conflicts and didn’t know how to meet my own needs and wants, so I chose all the wrong people. They hurt me with their words and actions and left me scars that took forever to heal.

They told me I was too much — too young, too emotional, too sensitive, too intense, and on and on. For a long time, I believed them and tried desperately to change myself, but it never worked. I kept going in circles, and I was really scared.

That was when I came to therapy for help.

Throughout this challenging time, the one thing that gave me strength and comfort was writing.

Even when I didn’t know who to be and felt worthless, I just knew my writing had worth.

When I wrote, I wasn’t alone, or more precisely, I was no longer scared of being alone.

I knew my writing had power.

My writing always led me back to me. That was how I knew I was the answer.

Embracing me was how I could change my reality.

What it meant for my dating life was that I stopped pretending to be a cool girl valuing superficial things, but I started to be the woman I was: real.

I doubled down on my core values. I honored my needs and wants and acknowledge my feelings and thoughts.

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Ellen Nguyen

Freelance writer & digital creator | London based | Psychology BSc. Editor of LovefulMind.com, empowering women.