Is it Unattractive to Be Caring?

The short answer is no. But there’s a long answer.

Ellen Nguyen


Photo by Ethan Robertson on Unsplash

When I met my husband a few years ago, I had been in therapy for a while, but I was still recovering from my anxious attachment style and was somewhat guarded.

I didn’t want to come across as too keen. So I tried to play it cool. I let him initiate texts, calls, and dates, and he was happy to do it.

After we got intimate for the first time, my past experience led me to expect him to pull away. But, to my pleasant surprise, he became even more affectionate and there was a clear sense of relationship progression.

I soon realised I’d got myself an exceptionally caring and emotionally secure man.

During the first few months of dating, he wasn’t afraid to spend lots of time together and show me his intention and care. We met up twice or more a week until we became inseparable. He helped me shop for gifts for my family. He cooked for me. He put cream on my leg when it hurt.

I’d met caring guys before, and I’d subsequently lost interest in them, but there was something different this time.

His caring didn’t make me feel like he was desperate or I was better than him.

I didn’t grow suspicious of it because deep down I thought I wasn’t good enough for it either.

In retrospect, therapy had helped heal this part of me and I, for once, believed I was a high-value woman who was worthy of his kindness and affection. I acted like it, and I knew I was a catch to him.

I expected and appreciated his caring and knew I couldn’t take him for granted.

I mean — why wouldn’t I like that an attractive, smart, funny, amazing man is caring towards me when I’m ready for a committed relationship and find him extremely compatible with me in every way?

I want you to remember that almost everyone likes their partner to be caring towards them except:

  1. They don’t actually like you.
  2. They don’t actually like themselves enough to accept care and love from you.
  3. You’re not their partner yet!



Ellen Nguyen

Freelance writer & digital creator | London based | Psychology BSc. Editor of, empowering women.